After 50 years of marriage, a man decided to find out if his wife was unfaithful to him:
”My dear wife, soon we will be married 50 years, and there is something I have to know. In these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me”?
Martha answered: “Well, Harry I have to be completely honest with you … Yes, I have been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason”.
Of course that Henry didn’t expect this reply and said: “I never suspected this. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reason’?
Martha said: “The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended”?
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said: “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time”?
Martha asked: “Do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to see the doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge”.
“I recall that” said Harry. “And you did it to save my life, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time …”
“All right,” Martha said. “Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes ….”
Harry fainted and dropped to the floor.
A lonely 70-year-old widow decided that it was time to marry again. She put an ad in the local newspaper that read: “Husband wanted! Must be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me and must still be good in bed. All applicants please apply in person.”
The following day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
“You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you?” the widow asked: “Just look at you — you have no legs!”
The old gent smiled: “Therefore, I cannot run around on you!”
“You don’t have any arms either!” she snorted.
Again, the old man smiled: “Therefore, I can never beat you!”
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently: “Are you still good in bed?”
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said: “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
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